what does this mean?

my best guess is that she is screwing around with two people at once, Justin and whoever she was talking to. and i would venture to guess they were talking about Michael. she isn’t sure how she feels about Michael, but told this person she didn’t still love him and she wouldn’t get back with him if he’d asked (which there is no chance in hell of that happening, so why even worry about it?) so she just assured him that no, she didn’t and she wouldn’t. i don’t know why this concerns me so much. it must be the way that she seems to still care about him, but always denies it. she can say over and over again and fool everyone else and attempt to fool herself into believing that she doesn’t still have feelings for him, but in the end she isn’t really sure if she does or not. why am i even worried about it? there’s no fool-proof evidence that the subject was Michael. why do i do this to myself? why do i pick every little thing apart? someone please explain this to me. i have a massive problem and i don’t know how to stop it. no matter how much i want to end it, it just crawls back into my head. i am a ridiculous excuse for a person. someone please just remove my brain so i don’t have to think about these things anymore.

edit: i figured it out. she loves him. she even told him she loves him. she told my michael. MY michael, that she still loves him. how could she when she left him? she left him because he wouldn’t have sex with her. how does that convey love? or caring? or anything? at least she told him not to fuck things up with me, because she can see how much i love him. but all the same, she told him she still loves him. ugh. i have such mixed feelings toward this girl. i don’t even know what else to say at this point. what makes it worse, is that michael tried to hide it from me. he said she didn’t text him anything other than “so i saw lauryn’s tumblr” but they were having a conversation even before she sent him that. he lied to me over the phone about it and he lied to my face about and he is still not telling me the whole story even though he knows i saw it. maybe he is just trying to protect me from getting upset that he’s even talking to her at all. he has used the fact that he doesn’t even talk to her to reassure me that i have no reason to be jealous so many times before, he doesn’t want to give that up. i am just lost as to what i should do in this circumstance. i just…i just don’t know. if he wanted to be honest with me, he would be. he has no reason not to be that i can see. also, meghan texted him. and he didn’t tell me about that either. and it just seems like the very thing i thought would occur has occurred, he gave her false hope in their friendship by hugging her at agape. of course.


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