the most powerful love of all

the truth is, i hate the feeling of being alone. i hate the emptiness. i hate the darkness. i hate not sharing my life, my laughter, and my love with another person. i’ve never allowed myself to be alone for long. i have consistently jumped from one person to the next; whoever would have me, i gave myself over to them. not fully, not completely, but just enough of myself to not feel alone. to not feel empty. to not feel lost in the darkness. out of all of these “relationships” i’ve been in, i have only fully and completely devoted my entire self to one person. and that one person was unwilling to do the same for me. that is why i cannot so easily forget this time. i cannot just jump into the arms of the next person. they are going to have to work for my heart. they are going to have to climb over barriers that weren’t there before. they are going to have to prove to me that they won’t so easily give up. i am tired of getting involved with people and having minds change. having feelings go away because they were never really there to begin with. i am making a change, here and now, to require myself to get to know someone fully and completely before starting anything considered romantic with them. i have never done this before. but i’m looking forward to it. i’m looking forward to learning how to love myself without having to invest in another person first. after all, love for oneself is the most powerful love of all.

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