a letter i will never send…
i know i made things a bit awkward last night. i know i did. i wish it hadn’t of been though. i wish it would have gone the way it did inside my head. in all honestly i didn’t know what to expect from you. but at least i now know that my feelings are not reciprocated. i don’t understand it, but i know. i’ve never been flat out rejected before, it’s kind of a weird feeling. i feel as though i am floating here in one place, too petrified to move, too scared to be hurt by anyone at all. but you know, maybe i’ve never been rejected before because i never took a chance in telling anyone how i felt. and i just want to thank you for being so incredibly sweet about it. i wasn’t expecting you to be so sincere. i too love you dearly as a friend and i value your friendship so very much, perhaps it’s a good thing we didn’t take this chance to ruin it. i feel so idiotic for misreading you though. it wasn’t my intentions to make things awkward. i just felt that perhaps you felt the same. but it turns out you don’t, and that’s perfectly fine, i’ll get over that. i am glad i told you before it got out of hand. i wound up crushing on the same person for nearly eight months last year and i was driving myself absolutely insane with it and he didn’t even talk to me. i can’t imagine how badly i may have gotten with you, considering how much we talk. you are a dear, dear person and friend. thank you so, so much for not freaking out about it. sometimes i just wish you weren’t so wonderful so i wouldn’t have a reason to like you so very much.