i’m an inverse Peter Pan, i want to grow up

i have the desire to grow up too fast. to make rash decisions. to be on my own. to be an adult. i envisioned myself being so much more together by twenty-one when i was younger. you know when you’re eleven and the teachers ask you where you see yourself in ten years? and at eleven you think ten years is so much longer than it is? when you’re that young, you see time differently. ten years seems like forever away, you want to be out of your parents house, living independently, with a good paying job. at eleven you think that in ten years you’ll be married. the reality is incredibly different. in the US, the average age for first marriages is 28.9 years for men and 26.9 years for women (2011). maybe if i’d known that at eleven, i wouldn’t feel like i haven’t reached my goals today. of course, when i was eleven i saw myself becoming a famous singer. i wanted to be like the women i idolized at that age. i wanted to be Debbie Harry, Britney Spears, or be on Broadway in my favorite musical of the time, Cats. i wanted to be Madonna in Evita, Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. i wanted to be famous for my voice. reality isn’t so real at eleven, and once you’re older, you have different dreams. some may be the same, like the desire for a job with a decent pay check, but others become unreachable. ten years have passed, and i see things how they are and wish i could stop pretending to myself and others that i’m grown up. i’m not. none of us are as grown up as we wanted to be when we were eleven years old with the world at our fingertips.

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