hypothetically speaking…

i want to be a good mom, the opposite sort of mom my mother was. as my boyfriend and i were standing on the balcony of his apartment, he held me close to him and told me, “if we make it that far, we can make mistakes with our kids, but let’s not make the same mistakes our parents made.” both of us were disciplined physically with spankings as young children and i do not agree with parents who choose to discipline in this matter because in the end it doesn’t really help with behaviour, it only makes the child more secretive, more rebellious. i should know, i’ve been there. i was afraid of my own mother when i was young because she would often cross the line between discipline and abuse, of which there is a very thin line between them. should i ever have children of my own, i don’t want them to fear me. i want them to respect and love me and feel as though they can tell me anything and know that i won’t be upset with them for doing so. i want to instill in my children values which i had to learn on my own because nobody taught me otherwise. i want to be a good example of what love and commitment means in relationships, unlike my parents, who split up before i was two years of age. i long so desperately to be a fun mom, but a good mom. someone who my children can look up to and be proud of, even in the rough patches, the years of school where you’re either picked on or propped up, those awkward teenage years where your parents are your worst enemies, and into adulthood. i only hope that i can be better than my mother at mothering because, while i have a solid example of what not to do, i haven’t one of what to do. i have to set my own example in that regard, and when the time comes, i will be ready to learn by doing.

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